A Pig Was Reared And Slaughtered Specifically For That Bacon Sandwich So The Least You Could Do Is Be Grateful!

by Signposted Disaster

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5 songs written and recorded in about two hours because I can.

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released May 31, 2014

Ric Cowley: Everything, Why Do I Even Bother With This

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Signposted Disaster Manchester, UK

A fool with a guitar that no one has had the good sense to tear away from him.

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Track Name: Ugh Why Can't Men Be Beautiful Too This Is Ridiculous I Demand A Trial By Combat LOL Game Of Thrones AmIRiteUGuyz
I’ve been in this dark room for four hours now
And I’ll be here for four hours more
I’m crafting my masterpiece in here
So don’t you dare open that door

I take the paper from the liquid and hang it up
And as the picture starts to form
I take a deep breath and smile widely
At my beautifully composed softcore porn

Cos I’m making the world’s best ever dick pic
Yeah I’m making the world’s best ever dick pic

I hired a professional photographer
And he really captured its beauty
Two balls and a shaft shining forth
Together in perfect harmony

He took it on film because he hates digital
But I couldn’t exactly get it processed at Boots
That’s why I’m surrounded by phallic negatives
And I freak out when the doorframe moves

Cos I’m making the world’s best ever dick pic
Yeah I’m making the world’s best ever dick pic

And just as I’m finishing up
The worst that could happen does
My cat walks in, the light shines through
The little bastard looks so smug

All those hours I spent in here
Have just gone down the pan
What the hell was I thinking
I should just invest in a webcam

Cos I’ve just lost the world’s best ever dick pic
Yeah I’ll just go take some slightly worse dick pics
Track Name: I Gotta Stop Glaring At People On Buses I Mean Their Life Is Probably Already Awful Without My Input
(ad-libbed)
Track Name: Age Is Just A Number And One Forgotten So Frequently That I'm Amazed I Don't Freak Out Every Time I Look At My Driver's License
I’m 21 years old
But that doesn’t mean
I should write a song about it
So I won’t.
Track Name: Maybe Looking At Suicide Girls Tumblr Blogs All Day Isn't A Great Life Plan But Hey What Else Is A Boy To Do Alone In His Room
I’ve been trying to write you a love song
But I can’t ever seem to get it right
I think it might have been too long
Since I last wrote something for someone I like

I rarely speak to you because I assume you’re really busy
Doing more interesting things than listening to me whine
But I see your pictures come up and I think you’re pretty
It’s not that creepy, I don’t do it all the time

And I hardly know you or what you do for fun
You could be really into collecting stickers
You might be capable of dual-wielding guns
Or you might just update irregularly on Flickr

But I would find out what you really like
And try to make you happy in so many ways
I’d show you the world on a tandem bike
Or we could just watch movies for days

And I’d systematically murder every single person
That said a single bad thing about you
And should the police find me and the situation worsen
I’d find us new identities and we could run away to Peru

And we’d live out our lives in a small village
Become eco-warriors and fight for the land
Scrub down the sealife after an oil spillage
And we’d do it all hand in hand
Track Name: There's Nothing Funny About This Song, Sorry Everyone
It’s been one year now and it’ll be two years later
Memories of breaking down next to my radiator
Thoughts at night still infested with your face
Please don’t take me back to that place

Shards of a light bulb cutting into bleeding skin
Sighing on the outside, screaming within
Hide under the duvet as the demons give chase
Please don’t take me back to that place

An omission of truth, a falling apart
On the floor of a train with a broken heart
Got on a plane without a suitcase
Please don’t take me back to that place

Moving on far too slow
Bad thoughts and feelings refusing to go
My old friends crave another falling from grace
Please don’t take me back to that place