It Is OK, I Have Replaced You With A Cat

by Signposted Disaster

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02:50
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03:08

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After the crushing horror that was "Regret Everything", Signposted Disaster returns for five quick songs that err on the side of optimism.

Still hoping to find love in all the wrong places, but with a newfound sense of hope, "It Is OK, I Have Replaced You With A Cat" makes up for all the tears spilled from "Regret Everything" with a wry smile, a shrug of the shoulders and a mutter of 'what can you do'.

Recorded in an afternoon on the 18th of November, 2013.

credits

released November 18, 2013

Ric Cowley: Guitar, Vocals, Mixing, Mastering

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Signposted Disaster Manchester, UK

A fool with a guitar that no one has had the good sense to tear away from him.

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Track Name: virgin.wav
I don't know what I'm doing
This is my first time ever
I watched so much porn in preparation
I thought I was being so clever

My girlfriend screams into my pillow
Not because she's impressed
She grabs her phone and throws it at the wall
I can tell she's kinda stressed

So I take her in my arms and we cuddle
We'll try again another time
And the next day we're just fooling around
And then everything slots in fine

Well I expected angels singing in chorus
I expected a great weight to be lifted from my chest
But all I got was a bad twinge in my back
Seven awkward minutes and then one hell of a mess

Well sex is pretty awesome
At least it is now
Since I've had plenty of experience
So I know the why's and hows

Yeah sex is pretty awesome
I'm sure you'll agree
But it's not quite as beautiful
As how it looks on TV

Well we had three years of working it out
Now she's seeing someone else and I wish I was too
Cos it's been so long I've forgotten what it feels like
And I'm worried I won't remember what to do

Yeah I'm a little out of practice, but I've still got the theory
And I'm still watching porn every now and then
But I overthink things way too much
So I hope I don't become a flailing virgin again

Well sex is pretty awesome
So far as I know
At least it was alright
The last time I gave it a go

Yeah sex is pretty awesome
I'm sure you'll agree
But it's nowhere near as beautiful
As how it looks on TV
Track Name: drain.txt
I woke up in the morning
Didn’t know where I was
Didn’t know who you were lying next to me
But felt sure I should catch a bus

We cuddled for a while
All warm and cozy and snug
Then I threw on my clothes and left you
Feeling kinda smug

Cos you were so beautiful
And I thought about you all the way home

Took a shower that evening
To wash away the memories of last night
Stared down into the plug hole like it was my future
All black and stretching out of sight

I wonder if I should try and talk to you
I’m just so scared, you see
If I don’t call you it’s not because I don’t like you
It’s cos I’m scared you won’t like me

Cos you were so beautiful
And I’m getting tired of being alone

Dried myself and got changed again
Got my things together and grabbed my guitar
Few minutes late to soundcheck again
Say hi to some friends at the bar

And when I get on stage
I song a silly song with only four chords
And I keep my eyes firmly on the crowd
Hoping you’ll walk through the door

Because you were so beautiful
And I want you all for my own
Track Name: trust.pdf
(ad-libbed)
Track Name: kobe.ogg
I’ve been trying to find the words to say I really like you
But I want to avoid asking you to be mine
Cos I’m a great believer in people belonging to themselves
So there’s no point in being possessive all the time

I’d just kinda hope that you’d wanna hang out
Get a drink, go for a meal, maybe play games with me
I’m willing to accept you might have better offers
I just think it’d be cool if I was the one you wanted to see

But what’s the point in telling you how I feel
When I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way
I could tell you all the things I would do for you
But it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter

I could write you a dozen songs
I could send you a dozen roses and say
That you’re the most wonderful person in my world
But it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter

And if I accidentally treated you like a piece of meat
I promise you’d be the best cut of Kobe beef
I’d import you all the way from mainland Japan
And find the perfect recipe

I’d cook you to absolute perfection
Using all the right herbs
Serve you in a three Michelin star restaurant
And you’d be hailed as the best dish in the world

But what’s the point in telling you how I feel
When I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way
I could tell you all the things I would do for you
But it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter

I could write you a dozen songs
I could send you a dozen roses and say
That you’re the most wonderful person in my world
But it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter

And if I were to objectify you, well I’m sorry
And I would make myself an object as well
I can be medicine, and you can be pain
And I’ll bring you right back to health

And you can be a box and I’ll be a crane
Take you in my arms and hold you close
Or I’ll be the fire engine to your burning house
I’ll always be there when you need me the most

But what’s the point in telling you how I feel
When I’m pretty sure you don’t feel the same way
I could tell you all the things I would do for you
But it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter

I could write you a dozen songs
I could send you a dozen roses and say
That you’re the most wonderful person in my world
But it wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter
It wouldn’t matter, it wouldn’t matter
Track Name: free.png
The lights went down
And my face came up
Turned to my left
And I caught your look

You turned away
Pretended I wasn’t there
So I tried to do the same
Told myself I did not care

And in my mind
We were holding hands
Singing along together
To our favourite band

But your hand was my coat
And I was singing alone
The music made me uneasy
And I wanted to go home

The band went quiet
And we all started to go
I turned to you
There was something I wanted to know

So I waved and smiled
And you tried to do the same
But your face fell flat
Cos things’ll never be that way

And in my mind
I said hi
And you said you forgive me
And everything was fine

But my mouth stayed shut
And I walked out the door
Safe in the knowledge
That I got what I came for

I put in my earphones
Walked a blind man’s road
If the world ended
I wouldn’t know

Because I felt so free
My body felt light
I walked into a new future
Hiding away in the night

And in my mind
Everything was great
The world started anew
And it wasn’t too late

And I grinned like a fool
As my life opened up
Put one foot in front of the other
I’m never gonna stop