No Matter How Far You Run, The Bacon Sandwich Always Finds You

by Signposted Disaster

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Written and recorded between the 21st and 27th of May.

Recorded in Ric's Old Bedroom, Weir.

Except tracks 2 and 6, recorded in Ric's Current Bedroom, Lancaster.

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released May 28, 2013

Richard Cowley: Guitar, Vocals

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Signposted Disaster Manchester, UK

A fool with a guitar that no one has had the good sense to tear away from him.

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Track Name: One Train Journey Plus One Drink Plus One Massive Fall Out Equals The Most Expensive Frappucino Ever
When I saw you again I feel I must say I thought you still looked stunning
And when you walked through the door I have to admit I was tempted to start running
Cos I knew that what I was going to say would ruin whatever chance we had
But I said it anyway because not telling you would have been twice as bad

And I got on the train and I felt all your pain and I’ve been crying every day since then
And I know that I am a terrible guy and I’m never going to Starbucks again

I’m sorry that I had to remind you of all those feelings you had since we broke up
And I’m sorry I cracked that terrible joke about how they spelt my name wrong on my cup
And I’m sorry that all I ever seem to do is cause you major upset
And I’m sorry to myself for bringing up the past and feeling so much regret

And I got on the train and I felt all your pain and I’ve been crying every day since then
And I know that I am a terrible guy and I’m never going to Starbucks again
Track Name: Kidnapping People May Be Wrong But The Education System Failed Me And Now I've No Choice Probably I Don't Really Know
Get in the back of my van
I’m gonna be so rich
I’m gonna be so rich

It’s all going according to plan
I’m gonna be so rich
I’m gonna be so rich

There’s nothing that could go wrong
I’ll have so much money
I’ll have so much money

So I start humming this song
I’ll have so much money
I’ll have so much money

Cos your father is a pushover
He’ll give me every dime that I want
Yes your father is such a pushover
I’m gonna by myself a yacht

I’ve got bills to pay
My wife’s gonna leave
My wife’s gonna leave

But I can buy a new lay
Prostitutes are ok
Prostitutes are ok

Cos your father is a pushover
He’ll give me every dime that I want
Yes your father is such a pushover
I’m gonna by myself a yacht

Money won’t make me happy
I’m so alone
I’m so alone

But this is no time to get sappy
I’ve got a hostage
I’ve got a hostage

But your father is such a pushover
He’ll give me every dime that I want
Yes your father is such a pushover
I’m gonna by myself a yacht
Track Name: I'd Be Really Interested In Dating Women Now If You Hadn't Already Guessed
(ad-lib)
Track Name: Rather Than Deal With My Problems I Just Give Them To Stuffed Animals So I Should Probably See Someone About That
I keep giving my heart away
And having it broken the next day
So I’m gonna give it a form
And keep it in a drawer

There’s a cuddly penguin in my wardrobe
And I’m saving it for the one

I’m such a romantic usually
But that’s never reciprocated to me
So now I’m gonna be a crappy boyfriend
Not buy presents or even pretend to care

But there’s a cuddly penguin in my wardrobe
And I’m saving it for the one

I want to find someone I can share my life with
But I keep on backing the wrong horses
Or sometimes I’m the one who puts them down
And melts them into glue while activists frown

But there’s a cuddly penguin in my wardrobe
And I’m saving it for the one
And if you should receive it
Then you’re the greatest person under the sun
Track Name: Honestly I Don't Know What Sparked This I Just Started Singing And This Came Out
(ad-lib)
Track Name: Carpe Anas (Seize The Duck)
I heard it on the news today
Saw it scroll across the ticker tape
I couldn’t quite believe my eyes
Even the presenter’s mouth was agape

The prime minister had received a package
And inside it was a letter
It was from the leader of the ducks
And I do mean the kind with feathers

They’re looking to take over the world
Even if they have to kill every boy and girl
They want to eat all of our bread
And they don’t care if we’re alive or dead

The US said we don’t negotiate with terrorists
Even if they’re cute and fluffy
But the UK put on a benefit concert
Headlined by Emeli Sande and Duffy

The Chinese said turn on the hobs
We’re gonna have us a feast
And Russia saw their chance
And tried to invade the Middle East

And the world began to tear itself apart
But we all forgot the problem at heart
And the ducks launched their attack
And there’s no way we can turn back

After the smoke had cleared
The ducks let out a quack of joy
They’d succeeded in ruling the world
And they weren’t being eaten with hoi (sin)

But as they surveyed the land
They realised their mistake
For there was no one left alive
Who knew how to bake

And know they’re all going to die
And meet the big mallard in the sky
And the final thought that passed through their heads
Was we only wanted a few more crumbs of bread