Regret Everything

by Signposted Disaster

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about

Taking a vast departure from earlier efforts, "Regret Everything" sees a bitter, depressed Signposted Disaster singing about self-loathing and self-inflicted heartbreak, interwoven with the trademark sarcasm and sly digs at popular culture fans have come to know and love.

From deeply personal songs like "Happy (For Now)" and "Burn Things" to humourous attempts at finding love (or sex) in the form of the "Picking Up Chicks" series, "Witcha" and "One Night Stand" by way of surreal stories in "Fever Dream On The 13:00 To Manchester" and the already fan-favourite "Amours Bouche", "Regret Everything" takes you on a journey of loss and redemption, which will hopefully make you giggle between your tears.

credits

released October 14, 2013

Ric Cowley: Guitar, Vocals, Bass, Strings, Piano, Phat Beats, Production, Editing, Mastering (whatever that is)

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Signposted Disaster Manchester, UK

A fool with a guitar that no one has had the good sense to tear away from him.

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Track Name: You Win (The Breakup)
Grabbed your abandoned tea bags from the cupboard
Made my way to the back yard
Gripped them tightly in my hand
Threw them out hard

I don't know why I'm so angry
When I'm the one whose to blame
I'm the only person playing
But I'm losing this game

Yeah you win the breakup
That's not something I'd make up

Folded up your romantic velociraptor
Kissed it once, threw it in the bin
Fell to my knees and prayed to God
To forgive me for my sin

I wonder briefly if I should've kept it
In case you get famous someday
But it's too clearly made with me in mind
And it wouldn't fetch much on eBay

Yeah you win the breakup
If I wore it, my tears would be ruining my make up

I still haven't opened Okami
And I barely glanced at that art book
Hoping if I don't use those things you gave me
Then you'd give me another look

But I saw you out walking with your mother
Talking and laughing and looking happy
And I know that you're seeing another
And I really wish that didn't make me feel so sappy

So you win the breakup
I just wish we could make up
Track Name: Happy (For Now)
So you said you're seeing someone new
And I hope he's really good to you
And I hope you play games together
But I hope you're not together forever

Because I have a sneaking suspicion he's not that great
Particularly if you're not ready to date
Well I'm sorry that I left you that way
But I'm sure you'll be ready again some day

Well at least one of us is happy
And that we're not all sad
Because if none of us were happy
Then that would be bad

At least one of us is happy
I just wish it could be me
Cos I know that one day I'll be happy
But it's too far in the future to see

So I heard you two are dating now
And all I can say is, really, wow
I can't believe you heard the fact
That she's got another boyfriend and you're fine with that

Well I tried my best but wasn't good enough
Maybe some of my jokes were a little rough
And perhaps I came on a little too strong
But whatever you guys won't last very long

Well for now one of us is happy
But I get the feeling it won't last
Cos even though right now we're happy
We'll just see a repeat of the past

But at least one of us is happy
I just wish it could be me
Cos I know that one day I'll be happy
But it's too far in the future to see

Well everyone we know will one day die
And everyone we love will make us cry
And the people we look up to will turn their backs
But don't get too upset, these are just the facts

Well everyone we know will one day die
And everyone we love will make us cry
And the people we look up to probably don't give a shit
But don't get too upset, just learn to live with it

But right now one of us is happy
So let's not lose sight of that
Just remember that right now you're happy
Maybe look at pictures of cute cats

Yeah at least one of us is happy
I just wish it could be me
Cos I know that one day I'll be happy
But it's too far in the future to see
Track Name: Picking Up Chicks At Sainsburys
I like to get a seat by the self-checkout
So I don’t get harrassed by the checkout staff

And I like to make sure that they’re buying alcohol
Because I’m not a very good judge of age

And I like to play a game where I make assumptions about who they are
Based purely on what they’re buying

So if they’re buying porridge then they’re probably bland
And if they’re buying a new TV then they’ve got a couple of grand
And if they’re buying Malibu then that’s just great
And if they’re buying Far Cry 3 I’d like to take them out on a date
Track Name: Witcha (ft. The Human Being)
I’m in the club
Got a bottle in my hand and another on its way
I’m with a bud
See a fine looking thing and I wanna say hey

Dance through the crowd
Everyone’s having fun and the music’s thumping
Really loud
I slide up to you and our body’s start bumping

I’m sure you’ve got a great personality
But tonight I’m only interested in your body
You probably know a lot about French literature
But tonight I just wanna get witcha

Oh tonight tonight I just wanna get witcha
Oh tonight tonight I just wanna get witcha

It’s getting late
Everybody's going home
But that’s great
Cos it’ll leave you and me here all alone

I lean in
Whisper something kinda sexy in your ear and you
Start to grin
And say that sounds like something you’d be into

I’m sure there’s more than just good looks to you
But tonight I’m just looking for someone to screw
You’re probably a big fan of David Fincher
But tonight I just wanna get witcha

Oh tonight tonight I just wanna get witcha
Oh tonight tonight I just wanna get witcha

Yo
I seem to be going to places like this with my friend there almost daily
He’s busy trying to get with a lady
Might as well call him Scott cos I’m feeling kinda Bailey

Don’t wanna just abandon him here
But someone just gave me a face full of beer
And I’ve got exams coming up, wait, why am I even here?

Drinks are about a quid more expensive than I’m happy to pay
And it’s highly unlikely that I’m gonna get laid
The women here won’t even say hey

So, yeah, whatever, I think I’m just gonna head out the door
I’ve heard the rain’s started to pour
But I don’t wanna be here anymore
Ciao

I’m sure you’ve got a great personality
But tonight I’m only interested in your body
You probably know a lot about French literature
But tonight I just wanna get witcha

Oh tonight tonight I just wanna get witcha
Oh tonight tonight I just wanna get witcha
Track Name: Love Songs For Women Who Won't Hear Them
This is a song for the women outside the bar who were digging around on the floor
I wasn't entirely sure what you were doing and I couldn't see what you were looking for
And I felt it wouldn't have been a good idea to wander over and say hi
So I laughed to myself as you looked up and I just walked on by

But I'd just like to say
I really liked your corsets

This is a song for the girl at the train station stood all alone in a really lovely skirt
The whole look was kind lolita but I quite liked it and you look better than me in a shirt
But you were stood on the platform opposite and my train was just pulling in
So I let this one slide and went to find my seat, letting love escape me again

But I'd just like to say
You were the best part of that day

This is a song for the girl sat across from me on the train who kept looking over
Your eyes were so blue that it felt like I was looking out from the cliffs of Dover
I spelled out HI with my train tickets on the seat next to mine
And I promise I was gonna say something to you but I ran out of time

But I'd just like to say
I think I only liked you cos I'm lonely

This is a song for the girl who I'm genuinely interested in and I think is great
You're so beautiful and slightly crazy and you probably a big fan of After Eights
Ok so that rhyme was really forced but I'll be honest I don't know much about you
I really wish I could get to know you, and I hope you want to know me too

But I'd just like to say
Wanna get a drink some time?
Track Name: One Night Stand
Hi there
Can I sit next to you?
I like your hair
You look like someone I could talk to

This is my name
Yours is very pretty
I play video games
Oh no did I let myself say that already

I don’t want you knowing I’m a nerd
Who plays stuff no one else has ever heard of
How about we just move on?
So tell me do you like this song?

I’m sorry
If I’m being annoying
This is just me
Worrying if I’m being boring

I’m no good
At talking to strangers
So if you could
I’d ask you to forgive my strange behaviour

Cos you’re making me kinda nervous
I really don’t know if I should say this
But you’re really pretty and you seem fairly cool
So would you like to come back to my place?

This is a one night stand
I won’t even hold your hand

Don’t worry
I’m sure you don’t usually do that
And trust me
I’m new to this, you may have gathered that

I’m not a creep
You’re the only girl here I’m into
I’m just kinda lonely
And I wanna share a bed with you

Cos this is the first time I've been single in quite a while
And I was brought over by your lovely smile
And well, I'm only really looking to get laid
So dya wanna come back to my place?

This is a one night stand
Did I tell you I’m in a band?

I’ll go
And leave you alone now
Cos if you say no
I don’t know how

I will prevent myself from dying of embarrassment
I understand if you don’t want to be with someone so unkempt
But then your hand extends from your lovely dress
And you put it on my cheek and you say yes

You're just looking for a one night stand
Oh wow, how did I land
A beautiful girl quite like you
It's almost like this story isn't true
Track Name: Picking Up Chicks Outside Of Exams
I like to sit outside the test for a subject I don't do
So I don't bump into anyone I know

And I like to look a little sleep-deprived
So it looks like I was up all night revising

And I like to mingle into the crowd
As they walk out of the exam

And I nudge someone and say man that was tough
Whatcha think of question two? Wasn't it a little rough?
And they usually agree, and ask me what I think
And I suggest that we should discuss this over a drink
Track Name: Fever Dream On The 13:00 To Manchester
Tilt your head back
Ignore the pain, try to relax
Do your best not to freak out
Pretend you know what the guy next to you is talking about

Who knew that an ear infection could knock you this bad?
But this is the most interesting train journey you’ve ever had
Cos Michael McIntyre’s sat across from you
And him and his wife are dining on Jimmy Choos

While a voice screams
This is just a dream
That’s not Daenerys Targarean spilling her coffee
Maybe you should get some sleep?

Temperature begins to rise higher
As Boris Johnson hands you a flyer
For his new velociraptor store
But you’ve heard it all before

Your fever’s getting worse
When a dragon hands you its purse
Filled with tiny little eyes
That whisper hateful lies

While a voice screams
This is all just a dream
That’s not Richard Branson bitchslapping Sean Bean
Maybe you should get some sleep?

Just pray to Christ
That you don’t die
Cos that seems kind of likely now

Hope that someone’s looking out for you
Cos you just don’t know
If you’ll even make it home

Close your eyes and doze
Half an hour goes by like the world just froze
Awaken at the station, you’ve arrived
And thankfully you’re still alive

And the voice sighs
Gives you a mental high five
Reminds you that you didn’t see Tom and Jerry setting fire to the band 5ive
And asks how you’re gonna get home
And you don’t know
Track Name: House of Eyes
Saw you when I first walked in
Hoped you were just a trick of the light
Set out my things, took in the room
You were gone from my sight

Felt your eyes on me in the shower
Ran my fingers through my hair
Let the water wash away my fear
Tried to tell myself you weren't really there

Do you watch me while I'm sleeping?
Study how my chest rises and falls?
I keep one eye open at all times
Convinced your hiding in the walls

Can't take much more of this
One of us is going to break
Your will is strong, I can tell
But I don't know how much more I can take

The time has come, and here we are
Our eyes meet from across the room
I lunge at you, scared and furious
You quickly meet your doom

Take a second to see what I've done
Blood runs thick between my fingers
Fight the urge to flee the scene
Stand a while and let the moment linger
Track Name: Amours Bouche
Good evening sir, can I find you a seat?
Would you like a drink or something to eat?
Or is there something else that takes your fancy?
Like ripping off my all clothes and panties?

Cos here we sell pancakes
We sell cupcakes
And we sell sex

I can cook you a steak
Or get you some cake
Or just have sex

For today’s special we’re doing a pancake stack
And for only ten dollars you can eat them off my rack
With a side of bacon, covered in maple syrup
And for ten dollars extra you can gave me in stirrups

Cos here we do pizza
There’s ice cream in the freezer
Or we sell sex

Mary’s made a brisket
But I wouldn’t risk it
She’s much better at sex

You may wonder how clean this place is
I can assure you we’re very hygienic
And the girls are all kept clear and clean
So how about you lick some butter off me?

I can make you a sandwich
And then I’ll be your bitch
When we go have sex

Have some garlic bread
While I give you head
And then we’ll have sex
Track Name: Picking Up Chicks At Eureka
I like to get a seat by the sandpit
So I don't have to pay to get in

And I like to take a child with me
Cos otherwise I look a bit creepy

And I like to make sure they're not with a man
So there's a higher chance they're a single mother

And then I wander over and say something mild
And they'll look up and smile and ask if that's my child
And I say no I just borrowed him to pick up chicks
And I'm lucky if I don't get punched in the dick
Track Name: Burn Things
You know that every morning I wake up with tears in my eye
Cos all I can hear is the sound of a child crying

And I know that I'll have to go spend time with the little brat
I just don't know how much more I can handle of that

Ooooo

And sometimes I just wanna burn things
Set fire to everything that I own
Sometimes I just wanna burn things
And get away from this home

Haven't left the house in nearly two whole weeks
I'm a lazy work shy loser at his physical peak

Stuck in a commuter village, just me myself and I
This is the place where everyones dreams come to die

And sometimes I just wanna burn things
Set fire to everything that I own
Sometimes I just wanna burn things
And get away from this home

Keep talking to little ones about the colours of their cup
When inside I'm screaming at them to just shut up

I'm leaving soon and then everything will be ok
But I know that tomorrow will just be the same boring day

And sometimes I just wanna burn things
Set fire to everything that I own
Sometimes I just wanna burn things
And get away from this home

Yeah sometimes I just wanna burn things
Set fire to everything that I own
Sometimes I just wanna burn things
And get away from this home
Track Name: I'll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours
We're sat in my room
Conversation goes away
I look you in the eye
You say “what now?” And I say

I've got just the thing
With a twinkle in my eye
And I reach over to my laptop
And bring up a video of a guy punching another guy

I crease up with laughter, speechless for a while
But I look at your face and you've barely raised a smile
And I put my hand on your arm and say are you ok hunny?
And you say you're sorry but you just don't find it funny

All things come to an end
But I wish that you'd pretend
That you have the same taste in YouTube clips as me

Because now I'm not sure
Should I walk out that door?
Is this really the way it has to be?

I try to wave it off
Tell you it's no big deal
But you know right away
That that's just not how I feel

So you grab the laptop
And you start typing something in
You say, I'm sure you'll love this one
And I'm almost infected by your grin

As a girl on screen starts showing us her version of twerking
You're nearly in tears, but for me it's just not working
And we look each other dead in the eyes
And a little part of our relationship dies

All things come to an end
But I wish I could pretend
That I have the same taste in YouTube clips as you

Because now I'm not sure
Should I walk out that door?
Are you thinking the same thing too?

We sit there in silence, soaking up the awkwardness
Praying someone will speak, but there's nothing to say
So you grab your bag and your coat
And I haven't seen you since that day

Cos all things come to an end
And we could not pretend
To like the same YouTube clips as each other

Yeah we just were not sure
So you walked out that door
And I went back to giggling at Danny Glover
Track Name: Oh Well
I saw you at the concert
Cos you walked by
I froze up in my seat
I really wanted to say hi

But it's been over six months
Since we last spoke
And every time I think of talking
I just choke

And the lights went down
And my hands came up
Covered my face
Until the music started up

And I watched the band playing
Trying my best not to cry
But I could feel tears welling up
In the corner of my eye

Oh well
Oh well
Oh well

Why won't this get easier
Why do I feel so much pain
When will be the time
That I can speak to you again

Then the light's come up
And I'm trapped in a daze
My eyes wander through the theatre
And you meet my gaze

And I swear for just one second
You're smiling at me
And then one second later
I'm out of my seat

And I'm running through town
Trying to catch my train
And I'm choking back all my feelings
Until I start crying again

Oh well
Oh well
Oh well